11 September 2011

A Trip to Church

If you know me well you will know that I am both not religious and very religious at the same time. It's quite the juxtaposition. .

Unlike most people when large things go "wrong" in my life I turn away from God instead of toward him. I like to know why things are happening the way they are, while they are, not to wait for some divine intervention where I "see the light" and understand.  After an incident three summers ago I completely turned away from God and have maybe gone to church 10 times. . a fact that I'm not necessarily proud of (but one of those times was to a confession -- quite impressive if I don't say so myself). Striking out with Maryland so many times in such a short time frame made me think that maybe I should try and let the big man back in instead of being so stubborn, I mean it really can't hurt, right?  So after much "encouragement" from my parents and Nic, I decided to go back and what better day than today.

Quick background: My family is Catholic. I got detention the first day of first grade in my private Catholic school (I'm actually slightly proud of this haha), I don't have the best mouth in the world (I'm quite a sailor at times), I am really bad at remembering prayers except a select few (like 5) that I really like, I think my particular parish has too much money and it perturbs me, I want to be married in a Catholic "ceremony", and I really do love God and know he exists, I just kinda get pissed at him sometimes.

Now that those quick bits are out of the way, I'll get into why I'm writing a post about this. During mass I wasn't exactly happy. Everything Father Ennis was saying was great, but nothing was "popping out at me" and grabbing my attention and pulling me back to God like I thought it would. Yes, I really thought this was going to be THAT easy once I put a little effort into it. . But there were two immediate goods that occurred. One: Father Ennis is the cutest little old man who I absolute adore, and I always enjoyed listening to him speak, and still do. Two: The entire mass was based on the concept of faith and the forgiveness of sins (for those of you who aren't religious, I will take a pause here for you to chuckle and say "no effing way man", lol). It isn't until right now after getting into a tiff with Nic where I realized how pertinent mass was to me today. It's not that I don't necessarily have faith or trust because I do, it's more that I'm not the best when it comes to completely putting myself in someone else's hands and trusting that whatever they are going to do will be the right decision and I need to work on it, both with the people in my life and especially with God.

Look at me going on a religious inspired ramble. Whodathunkit.

The moral of this entire blog post is that I'm going to "let God back in" and put faith in people and realize that things happen. Sometimes they're great, or horrible, or okay, and sometimes they're just downright strange but I'm not always going to know why and that's just a-oh-kay.

I also am going to stop using so many quotations marks. Goodness.

Ciao. xoxo

As an side thought: I realize this may come off wrong to some people. . hmm, no se. If it does though, no mocking/mean/rudeness was intended. Just stating. xoxoxo.

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