22 March 2012

Apologies and Forgiveness

As I sit on the beach listening to the waves crash into the shore and begin to feel the sting of a bit too much sun on my cheeks a sandpiper fishing in the waves catches my attention. This little bird is running straight into the surf that's exactly his height and throwing his little head right into the water to get some food. I find myself wondering whether he's scared, what if a wave blind sides him? Or if he has a past that haunts him at night, or better yet if he even has any knowledge of his future and life past the grumbling of his stomach for food.

In that moment I found myself wanting to be that little bird, able to just fly away. But I'm not at all like that little bird no matter how much I want to be. Instead I'm like the wind and the waves - we all are. We aren't the same as we were yesterday, six months ago or especially three years ago and neither are they. Yet so many times we let our past define us controlling our happiness and the happiness of others. For some reason we forget that everyone has some sort of hardship they've faced. Maybe it was a drug addiction or a family members addiction, maybe perfectionism to the point of obsession, being raped, an alcohol addiction, family issues or money problems. We all have our pasts yet we hardly think about that fact while meeting someone. Instead we pass judgements by what/who they appear to be. We're all guilty of it. And then I'm sure somebody is wondering why someone would keep such a key part of them secret. . Fear. The fear of a person using it against them.

I'm sure you're wondering what the point of this post is? Oddly enough it's somehow about apologies, or the lack of them and overall forgiveness. For the better part of the last three years and especially recently I've been mulling over how important an apology is and also how important it is to forgive someone. I was raised with an apology never being an option, instead if you did something wrong or hurt another you apologize. As I get older and enter the real world I have begun to realize that everyone wasn't raised under that "rule".

So what do you do when it's either too late for a person to apologize or know it's never coming? Well it's never too late so throw that point out. Sadly my other remains. As you go through life people are going to do things that hurt you, and sadly not everyone is going to care. Sometimes they may do it unknowingly, other times it will be calculated and malicious. In either case sitting around waiting for an apology is as pointless as sitting and waiting for snow to fall in Florida. It's not going to happen.

I've known this fact for quite some time but I'm also a believer in the good of every person. I will hold onto the hope that the good in someone will always prevail yet it's not always true. At some point in order to not let the past control who you are today you have to realize the power is in your hands.

You don't need an apology to be strong. You don't need recognition of something happening by the perpetrator to get over it. But you do have to forgive. Forgive that it happened, forgive to let yourself move on and have a fighting chance in the world. And forgiveness isn't forgetting.

So as for the point of this post? I forgive you, all of you. And today's finally the first day of my life.

01 March 2012

President's Day Weekend

After a long bout of tests and being sick a long three day weekend with Nicy is exactly what the doctor called for. President's Day Weekend was spent in this GORGEOUS hotel right in Arlington. It's really pretty, has a Starbucks within walking distance, the shower is to die for and it’s only 5 minutes from Reagan Airport, 20ish from Annapolis and 10ish from DC. It’s fabulous. After my flight to Atlanta and a three hour layover there I was finally in DC. We spent the night going to the academy for Nic’s friends boxing match (I learned I just don’t get boxing, at all) and then I got my gluten free PF Chang’s. It really is the simple things in life.

Saturday was spent with brunch at our favorite little restaurant Fire Fly in DC and finding gluten free cupcakes at Hello Cupcake! They had banana cupcakes with peanut butter and chocolate icing. The chocolate was better. Like deliciously perfect. (We went back another day and they had gf tiramisu cupcakes. . not as good). The rest of the day was spent driving to and from Baltimore in a failed attempt at going to the Baltimore Aquarium and watching Happy Feet 2 with pizza. Gluten free pizza that was delivered. I was happy.


I would like to say that the Happy Feet movies and Wall-E are quite possibly the best movies if only for the fact that they are addressing problems that are happening in our world and are marketed towards children. Yes it is making a child believe robots can fall in love and penguins can talk but it’s also showing the importance of our environment and how much of an affect we have on it.

We finally got to the Baltimore Aquarium on Sunday buuuuuuut couldn't see the dolphins or jellyfish exhibits because we got in too late. . . complete bogus. But who doesn’t love the aquarium and smiling turtles?! We had a well deserved date night at Morton’s where I realized Nicholas doesn’t know the difference in water types when he answered “distilled, sparkling or Arlington’s finest?” with “yes”. It was adorable.

Monday was the touristy day with visits to the National Museum of Air & Space and Natural History. Both of them (I’m actually assuming all of the national museums) have IMAX theatres which are so much fun! We saw a video about how stars form  in the planetarium and then a movie about apes and elephants being rehabilitated and released into the wild in the Natural History Museum. It was in 3D. Go see them!

As always goodbyes are hard. The ticket man let Nic walk me to my gate (a first!) but I think we both decided we like it better when we’re running late and I have to run through the security gate to make my flight. It’s less heart wrenching and I’m less tempted to miss my flight and stay with him.

Ciao! xoxooxo