22 March 2012

Apologies and Forgiveness

As I sit on the beach listening to the waves crash into the shore and begin to feel the sting of a bit too much sun on my cheeks a sandpiper fishing in the waves catches my attention. This little bird is running straight into the surf that's exactly his height and throwing his little head right into the water to get some food. I find myself wondering whether he's scared, what if a wave blind sides him? Or if he has a past that haunts him at night, or better yet if he even has any knowledge of his future and life past the grumbling of his stomach for food.

In that moment I found myself wanting to be that little bird, able to just fly away. But I'm not at all like that little bird no matter how much I want to be. Instead I'm like the wind and the waves - we all are. We aren't the same as we were yesterday, six months ago or especially three years ago and neither are they. Yet so many times we let our past define us controlling our happiness and the happiness of others. For some reason we forget that everyone has some sort of hardship they've faced. Maybe it was a drug addiction or a family members addiction, maybe perfectionism to the point of obsession, being raped, an alcohol addiction, family issues or money problems. We all have our pasts yet we hardly think about that fact while meeting someone. Instead we pass judgements by what/who they appear to be. We're all guilty of it. And then I'm sure somebody is wondering why someone would keep such a key part of them secret. . Fear. The fear of a person using it against them.

I'm sure you're wondering what the point of this post is? Oddly enough it's somehow about apologies, or the lack of them and overall forgiveness. For the better part of the last three years and especially recently I've been mulling over how important an apology is and also how important it is to forgive someone. I was raised with an apology never being an option, instead if you did something wrong or hurt another you apologize. As I get older and enter the real world I have begun to realize that everyone wasn't raised under that "rule".

So what do you do when it's either too late for a person to apologize or know it's never coming? Well it's never too late so throw that point out. Sadly my other remains. As you go through life people are going to do things that hurt you, and sadly not everyone is going to care. Sometimes they may do it unknowingly, other times it will be calculated and malicious. In either case sitting around waiting for an apology is as pointless as sitting and waiting for snow to fall in Florida. It's not going to happen.

I've known this fact for quite some time but I'm also a believer in the good of every person. I will hold onto the hope that the good in someone will always prevail yet it's not always true. At some point in order to not let the past control who you are today you have to realize the power is in your hands.

You don't need an apology to be strong. You don't need recognition of something happening by the perpetrator to get over it. But you do have to forgive. Forgive that it happened, forgive to let yourself move on and have a fighting chance in the world. And forgiveness isn't forgetting.

So as for the point of this post? I forgive you, all of you. And today's finally the first day of my life.


  1. It's very true that we are like the wind and the waves, going in our own directions and if it must be, creating a storm. Whether that storm will extinguish fires or destroy homes, no one will know until it has passed. Though, you don't always have to forgive. Sometimes when you forgive you are saying that the actions of another are acceptable. The most important thing we can do is be at peace. Not harbor resentment and anger but accept people for who they are. Everyone is on a different path, whether it is the right on or the wrong one is their decision. The sad part seems to be that most people are walking the path that will burn their feet but lash out towards others instead of themselves.

  2. this was beautiful. It took me a really long time to learn the lesson of forgiveness, and I'm still working on it. You told this with such grace and character.. I love you so much pretty girl <3