16 August 2011

Hi, I'm a home body who's moving to Maryland

I think I have been very niave this entire time about just exactly what moving to Maryland means and entails.

I have a close group of friends in Orlando that I adore to death. I've lived here the majority of my life -- it's my home. I know when to avoid going places because of traffic, the short cuts, cheaper stores, everything. And I'm leaving it all behind. I somehow didn't think I'd sit here and cry about leaving because this has been my sole decision the entire time. . I mean I've had input from everyone I care about but in the end, and for the first time in a long time, I made the decision solely based upon what is better for my future. Not my family, not my friends, not even Nic and I - just me. And this is why I'm moving because I finally need to spread my wings and discover who I am, not who I am with other people.

So that sounds all dandy, I have the right reason for moving, so that has made things easier. Until I went out for happy hour with my good friends to say goodbye last night and realized I won't be doing this for a couple of months. And they won't be only a half an hour drive away, but two and a half hour plane trip home. . . and then the water works started, and they haven't stop since. I've been able to say goodbye to most of my friends (except my best friend who is always ridiculously busy) so at least I'm almost done. But yet all I want to do is jump in my car and go over to my friends house and sit and cry on his couch and refuse to leave, because the truth is that I don't want to start over. I don't want to go to a town that I know nothing about and live in an apartment all by myself. I'm scared, and it scares me that I'm scared.

Sigh. The moral of this story is that we're not emotionless -- well I'm definitely not. I didn't think moving was going to be hard because I didn't really understand that mom isn't going to be able to be there in two seconds if I have a fever. . Don't get me wrong, starting new is exciting but until I get on the road it's more depressing than anything. . . and I honestly don't know how I could deal with this every four years in the future. . and that also scares me shitless. Oi vey.

Ciao. xoxox

1 comment :

  1. its big and scary but its SUCH a great feeling knowing that you've DONE IT! You'll have a Eevah and your OWN place to call home and explore and get to know the city/area on your own and make NEW friends (and keep the old ones!) and still be in school and kicking ass there! And you have long distance friends no matter what!!!! We'll just happen to be a lot closer :) YOU CAN DO ITTT