07 February 2012

An Emergency Room Is A Hopeless Place

I would like to use this time to give my official review of the Dr.Phillips Hospital Emergency Room. While this means nothing to all of my readers who do not live in Orlando please do continue reading. It is the closest hospital to Universal meaning if you venture to Harry Potter world in the future and get zonked by an atrocious spell and don't have Hermione to give you a remedy you will be going to Dr.Phillips Hospital and you will wish you would have read this.

Point blankly, it's one of the worst emergency rooms I have ever been to. Dr.Phillips is a very wealthy area full of Lexus', Mercedes, BMW's and women who can spot a fake handbag from a mile away. Why is this even remotely pertinent? Well it sets up the irony that the emergency room also has a metal detector at the door. A metal detector run by an old security guard who is not even armed with a weapon and who I guarantee would not only not know what to do, but also wouldn't be able to do anything if some crazy looney tried to smuggle a gun in, nonetheless brandishing one.

I try to avoid the hospital at all costs. They're scary and make me all sad and lonely. . but things got to the point where I just had to go. I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest amongst other things and quite frankly that's not the most comfortable feeling. So seeing as it wasn't just any Sunday night but Super Bowl Sunday and it was still in the first quarter I assumed there wouldn't be a wait. I mean we weren't far enough into the game that the drunken men who tried to do that "cool thing on youtube" were going to be there with broken bloody noses. And I have to admit I was partially correct. The ER was packed and while there was a lack of drunken shenanigan inducing men in football attire there was an abundance of inappropriately dressed people, annoying children running around and a man who kept disgustingly clearing his throat every five minutes. 

Now mind you the last time I was sick in a hospital was when I was under 18 and allowed to go to Arnold Palmer Children's Hospital downtown. It's really a magical place where every employee tries their hardest to make you comfortable, old Disney movies are playing in the waiting room and the rooms are painted in bright friendly colors with cool decorations. The biggest thing though? My mom was able to go everywhere with me -- triage, stay overnight in the room with me, and all of my tests -- but this time it was different. I was shuffled into triage by a Cruella DeVille looking woman who meanly said my mother was not allowed back. I then was met by a nurse who did not even attempt to hide that she didn't know what SMA was and thrown back into the waiting room and the stiff backed uncomfortable seats.

After watching Madonna try to pull of sexy dance moves, seeing the Pats LET the Giants win, and getting through half of The Voice I was done. I would rather be in pain in my comfy bed than sit in those chairs for another minute and then the typical butchering of our name occurred and we were whisked into the back room where a bitchy female nurse entered and proceeded to kick my father out. Because I am an adult and for the protection of my privacy I was only allowed one person back there. I am not a rude girl nor am I typically feisty but that flipped a switch unleashed the inner feisty chicita in me. She was followed by a rude financial woman and then a HORRENDOUS physician's assistant. I understand SMA is rare but I also know I have it. . but according to Ms.Kate I was a silly little self diagnosing child who had mono and a UTI. . I had ZERO symptoms of a UTI .  . The male nurse who also came to let us sign the sheet to leave so kindly stated that if anything were to happen to me it'd "be on you". So if I died it's my fault. Dad almost smacked him.

Three hours later the only thing we succeeded in doing was minimizing pain with morphine and getting a prescription for percocete. It was a fabulous time.

The moral of this story is if you are ever in need of an emergency room or hospital visit I would highly suggest Florida Hospital downtown. And for goodness sake if the one needing to be seen is under 18 take them to Arnold Palmer!

Ciao. xoxo.

PS. I'm obviously still alive after this ordeal. Just chug-a-luging along. High spirits and prayers that the Mayo Clinic gets back to us soon. (send prayers!)

1 comment :

  1. you should tweet this to them.. awful people. i love you girly<3